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A Tale the Telling by Saxby Barnabas

A Tale

the Telling by Saxby Barnabas

Published June 17th 2014
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ebook
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 About the Book 

To: You Know Who You AreRe: Your Presence is RequestedI know you’re out there. When I was a kid, I used to climb onto the roof of our house, lay out on my sleeping bag, and amidst the chirping crickets and the gently wiling summer night, I wouldMoreTo: You Know Who You AreRe: Your Presence is RequestedI know you’re out there. When I was a kid, I used to climb onto the roof of our house, lay out on my sleeping bag, and amidst the chirping crickets and the gently wiling summer night, I would stare at the stars.And wonder about your home.Perhaps it was this belief in your existence — not doubt, but belief — which led me to discover the Sunderkind method. Do you know of it? No? Then I will tell you. I’ve coded this message into what I call the Morphian frequency. It is the frequency at which certain atomic bonds resonate. When I send this coded frequency toward a small star, do you know what the star will do? That’s right. It will explode. And not just in any way. For you see, the particles of that explosion will contain the matter of this message. When this, in turn, reaches another star, that star too will explode. In this manner will my message, borne as it were by the stars.As I had once dreamed.Ah, I can see the worry on your face. No, no. The frequency is only strong enough to explode a small star, barely the size of a thimble. The explosion will not be strong enough to harm anyone.I think.I have not had time to test it. There are…greater worries on my mind. Like what will happen if you do respond to the missive.Based on my extensive analysis — including but not limited to movies, books, comics, white papers, and oral tales — I have found that in the 12.7 million instances of extraterrestrial contact, 99% have resulted in a breakout of hostilities, 82% have resulted in wide-scale destruction, 67% in the catastrophic loss of life, 35% in the loss of pets (though it goes up to 45% in the case of iguanas), 19% in the destruction of either the host or home planet, and 100% in the death of the person who was responsible for sending the missive.As you can see, this makes me a bit nervous about my prospects.Which is why I request you to send a single, covert envoy sent to my house. One envoy is something I believe I can handle. Someone I can introduce to the right people — there are so many others at the university, our institutions of learning, who are dying to meet you — and soon you will find yourself swapping your histories, your cultures, and your lives for those of our own.I can assure you that we are a peaceful race, and that your envoy will come to no harm. Last, but not least, please come with all haste. My sanity, if not my life, may depend on it.Yours truly,Myron